Saturday, March 10, 2007

You're Getting Freaky

10:02am- In order to deal with my generalized, yet debilitating anxiety disorder, fucking asshole losers trying to steal my identity and an IRS notification of gross underpayment of 2005 taxes, visit hypnotist on the recommendation of dear friend. Hypnotherapist uses soothing voice to count me down and relax me into desired state. Then she tells me I am so relaxed with eyes so heavy they will no longer work. She asks me to try to open them. I cannot. Freak the fuck out. Then regressed childhood memory of Freddy Kreuger enters this dreamstate and slices me to bits. So much for alternative healing.

11:02am- After alerting hypnotherapist of anxiety about working through my anxiety, she is able to calm me back down. By end of session, feel so euphoric, alive and optimistic that it just figures I’d walk outside and caught in rival gang crossfire.

Other than that, pretty good day.


john wilson said...
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The 'Rents said...

Dang, what'd that guy write??!

So them hypnotherapists work, eh?

How I Died Today said...

Never you mind or I'll delete YOUR post too! Oh, just kidding. He was a weird spammer from India.

Yup, hypnotherapists work wonders. Seriously!

flic said...

What's worse, having your self cut into little bits or having little bits (bullet holes) being taken out of your self?

I like the dichotomy you present there!

How I Died Today said...

Hmm, good question. Having bits taken out reminds me of a potato gun and that's not scary, so I'll say chopping.