10:47am- Wake up with what I think is signature Vegas Hangover®. Turns out to be mass dehydration coupled with healthy dose of aneurysm. 11 o'clock check out time does nothing to save me.
11:49am- Meet friends at Mandalay Bay’s Bay Side Buffet. Sit next to freshly married couple and family having wedding reception. Attempt to sneak piece of wedding cake as part of my gluttonous champagne breakfeast. Am gored with cake knife by mother of bride.
2:02pm- Mesmerized by “Bodies – The Exhibition” at Tropicana. Having recently read Mary Roach’s “Stiff” about cadavers and plastination process, feel compelled to really get up in there and examine every muscle fiber and strand of sinew. Immersed in the experience, am distracted enough not to notice body snatcher come up behind me. Bound, gagged, and flayed for next day’s presentation.
4:19pm- Back at Desert Passage Shops, indulge in foot massage being offered by roving band of masseurs. Nervous foot specialist will only look at me askance. I realize too late he is fetishist/serial killer.
7:33pm- As I try talking myself into having calm takeoff, plane bursts into flames on runway.
Other than that, pretty good day.
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All the ways I meet my demise on a given day. These scenarios play out as overly dramatic movies in my head daily, hourly, sometimes by the minute. Eventually, I suppose, one of them will be correct. Until then, this is how I died today...
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