12:13pm- Head to pool at Luxor to relax and drink beer with friends. Oasis completely crowded and full of beautifully lotioned scenesters. Sensing discord, they swiftly descend to eliminate imposter.
1:11pm- Sun stroke.
3:06pm- Drive downtown to scout out lower table limits. Enter daiquiri bar and come upon confrontation between management and customer who was given extra shot of rum and then expected to pay for it. Fight ensues. Caught in middle. Bludgeoned with plastic cowboy-boot-shaped daiquiri container.
4:14pm- Agree to couple’s lap dance at local strip club. First documented case of fatal crabs.
11:06pm- End up drunk at craps table with too high a limit. Lose money quickly. Am forced to mortgage house I don’t own and college money for kids I don’t have. See too clearly how gambling has consumed life. Take cab to Stratosphere and jump off tower to assuage guilt for tarnishing family honor.
Other than that, pretty good day.
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