10:14am- Looking to outdo breakfast from previous morning, consume not one, but TWO decadent cupcakes from Magnolia’s, a bakery featured in that awesome SNL film short with Andy Sandberg. Blood sugar levels surge like Great Tsunami of 2004.
10:15am- Sitting on park bench with boyfriend watching small child give mother extremely hard time. He looks over at me and says, “Momma, she’s eating a cupcake,” to which I reply with a sneer, “Yes, unlike you, I can eat cupcakes whenever I want!” Mother shoots me daggers with impressive accuracy.
1:43pm- Walk around and around and around Manhattan until feet pool with bruised blood. Healthy environment for clotting.
4:11pm- Get caught up watching street performers in Washington Square Park. Pickpocketed and then shived when I attempt protest.
5:01pm- Get into elevator at Penn Station on way back to Newark airport. People crowd in so tight that there is hardly room to breathe. Luckily conveyance plummets down from weight killing us all instantly before I have time to suffocate.
7:45pm- While stuck waiting for delayed boarding of flight, panic attack starts to brew. Suddenly, my heart feels warm. Then it is inflamed. I crawl to floor and put head in lap. I took too many Xanax! I didn’t take enough! I don’t know what’s going on except I’m having heart attack. Boyfriend looks on.
7:54pm- Learn how to fly the planes, pilots! Learn how to fly the goddamn planes!
Other than that, pretty good day.