7:21am- After purchasing wrong-sized mattress and exchanging it for different size and more expensive style, sleep first night upon its pricey filler. Wake up next morning with back and bones aflame in searing hot white pain. Feels like shards of broken glass. Step out of bed, broken glass bones sever veins and skin.
7:31am- Step on scale. Surprisingly it notes 2 lb. loss. Just as I begin to pump fist in air victoriously, digital display reads “ERROR” and then goes blank. Hoping error is in my favor, step off and back on scale. This time notes 2 lb. gain. No error message displays. I repeat process. Still 2 lb. gain. Pissed, I get on backup scale, this one non-digital. It concurs with non-error findings of digital scale. Discouraged, rush to fridge and begin shoving every edible item into mouth. Then, accidentally shove in one non-edible thing.
1:21pm- Nonchalantly walking down sidewalk on way back to work after lunch. Come upon grate frothing grayish bubbles. Unable to navigate around grate, bubbles bind to shoes and pant cuffs digesting fabric and skin with acidic rage.
7:31pm- Receive email from friend alerting me to her enjoyment of blog. She closes by questioning my state of mental health. After brief evaluation, it is determined to be terminal.
Other than that, pretty good day.