Friday, June 30, 2006

Richard M. Daley Welcomes Me

8:15am- Crossing Bay Bridge on way to Oakland Airport. Steel beam works its way loose just in time to fall upon me as I drive by. Work crew giggles like you would when seeing someone trip on sidewalk crack. Just cruel.

9:02am- Walk through security gate at airport. Set off beepers. Overzealous new guy determined to make example of me. Tackles me to ground, kicks me until blood burbles from mouth and then tasers me. Weak heart fails. Fellow passengers miffed at delay. As I drift from this world I hear a man mutter, "I'm gonna miss my flight to Boise!"

10:02am- You know it's coming...Plane crash. Pilot error. Damn those drunk pilots.

5:13pm- Land in Chicago safe and sound. Get on El excited to see Windy City like local. Ask nice woman for clarification that I am on right train. She smells tourist on me and therefore grabs luggage and slices throat in one fell swoop.

Other than that, pretty good day.

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