8:44am- Walking to work, giant crane swings swiftly above head. Construction worker operating controls chooses this time to end his life in order to provide family with money from insurance policy. I have the misfortune of being caught beneath his heft after plummet.
5:02pm- Walk beneath a window washing apparatus empty and only two stories above my head. Pulley system fails. Crushed, but remain alive until workers come to extract me. Then I bleed out.
5:31pm- Rampant bus germs on my hand. That’s all I’ve gotta say.
Other than that, pretty good day.