Trashed

11:14am- Previously asked by mother to make this the trip where I go through left-behind things and discard what is no longer important. Discover she has already thinned the herd considerably. Basically everything I would have cared about has been pre-tossed (tapes of college radio shows I DJ’d, all furniture old enough to be cool, books given to me by long-deceased grandfather). Luckily copious amounts of high school sweatshirts have been spared. Go into blind rage spinning and spewing venom, screaming at top of lungs. Parents have no choice but to taser me. Cardiac arrest. Boy don’t they feel guilty now.

12:05pm- Hang with mom and high school best friend at Goldie’s Deli, where I waitressed for a summer back in college. Order tabbouleh in honor of my first ever having it at this exact restaurant. Putting the lemon-saturated, parsley-based side dish to lips transports me back to simpler days. Body implodes. Humans not meant for time travel just yet.

8:02pm- 3rd degree colorectal burns. On whole, Ohio needs more fiber.

Other than that, pretty good day.