Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Honey, I'm Home (For Good)

8:12am- Waiting for bus to leave while standing close to curb in order to cross street. Miscalculating clearance needed, bus drives off pulling flesh from entire front half of my body. Sound is similar to one heard when lifting slice of bologna out of plastic Oscar-Meyer container.

5:52pm- Trying to stuff MUNI pass back into messenger bag while walking down left hand side of escalator, I trip over BK drink cup and go careening down stairs. As final insult to injury, sadist escalator repairguy has previously replaced groove teeth with razorblades, slicing me to bits and smearing blood onto every step. Commuters repulsed.

7:10pm- Broken neck. Boyfriend comes home from work. In excitement to greet him at top of stairs with kiss, I push us both down staircase. He survives with what will turn into adorable scar above lip.

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