Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Home, Sweet Murder Scene

11:03am- Drive to Middle-of-Nowhere, North Carolina to visit with nephews. On the way, get caught in fierce rainstorm. Swept off road by deluge.

4:24pm- Am greeted warmly by youngest nephew holding air rifle. Attempts to hug him hello sets off unfortunate chain of events. Actually, just one event: me getting shot.

4:25pm- Meet family dog, Rosie and assemblage of cats. Bend down to pet brood. Contract cat scratch fever.

4:26 (and 3:47)pm- Find out eldest nephew and his grandmother have argued causing nephew to drive off in fit, laying down impressive skid mark. Travel back in time to when he was laying it and get hit head on.

7:11pm- Go on walk with youngest nephew who points out many different animals in surrounding forest. Am ferociously attacked by pretty much all of them simultaneously. Well, except one benevolent squirrel.

7:32pm- Enjoy delicious meal of baked ziti. Soon after, develop case of explosive diarrhea. Dehydrate.

11:34pm- Graciously instructed to sleep alone in nephew’s grandmother’s room. As I drift off, her ex-husband busts in seeking revenge. Case of mistaken identity where the mistakee is impaled over 49 times with rusted hunting blade.

Other than that, pretty good day.

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