Friday, July 28, 2006

Myrtle Beach Sux

12:03pm- “Ick. Ack. Uck! Myrtle Beach is so foul and overpopulated and full of chain stores and soulless, nutritionless megarestaurants where the waitstaff are trained to upsell at all costs. This is NOT a vacation destination people! It is a humid cesspool that attracts unthinking land rats willing to accept the cliché of what a vacation destination should be.” – This was speech given during 2nd day of my Myrtle Beach stay. I was subsequently dismembered by said land rats.

7:05pm- Meet up with old friend from grad school, her husband and new baby. I question them about choice to live in Myrtle Beach and suffer same fate as I did this afternoon.

8:37pm- With every restaurant claiming hour and a half wait, spot sign outside of strip club offering “full menu.” Force boyfriend to go inside to inquire (doesn’t take much prodding). While waiting, another potential patron spots me in car and his guilt of going to club for reasons other than meal without an hour and a half wait causes him to stick me in neck with prison shiv.

8:41pm- Not impressed with strip club’s full-menu offerings of chicken tenders and jalapeno poppers, settle for 120-Item Chinese buffet (curiously advertising itself with photos of sushi). Order red wine which is served elegantly in a wine glass with a straw. A straw! Laugh so hard wine travels up straw, out nose and onto neighboring diner who promptly beats my snobby-too-good-for-Myrtle-Beach ass in.

Other than that, pretty good day.


Greg Mills said...

These were the saddest entries.

How I Died Today said...

why you cry?

Greg Mills said...

Why I cry? Because the Tracy, she-a-die. Oh, my god. The Tracy, she-a-dead.

How I Died Today said...

You sound like Nicholas Cage in Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Greg Mills said...

I was going for Moonstruck. Not Nicholas Cage, though. Cher.