12:34pm- Attend Taste of Chicago. Find out that Chicago mostly tastes like sweaty overweight artery-clogged pasty people with hint of Bratwurst. Unknowingly sporting dollop of ketchup on cheek, am mistaken for food stall offering and consumed by fellow Taster.
12:56pm- Watch crowd-pleasing group called Xtreme Dive Team. They climb up 4-story tall ladder and dive into what reminds me of childhood friend’s smallish outdoor wading pool. Am somehow chosen as audience volunteer. Disregard mother’s advice to never dive into unfamiliar pool headfirst.
3:01pm- Standing on top of John Hancock building. Venture out to observation deck. Reach hand towards screen and lose balance. Plummet to death.
Other than that, pretty good day.
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All the ways I meet my demise on a given day. These scenarios play out as overly dramatic movies in my head daily, hourly, sometimes by the minute. Eventually, I suppose, one of them will be correct. Until then, this is how I died today...
About Me
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Blog Archive
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2006
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July
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- Pork, The Other White Meat That Can Kill You
- It's On My Mind, It's In My Mouth, It's Pork
- Sit. Sit. Good Dog.
- Myrtle Beach Sux
- Everybody Out Of The Pool
- Pariah At The Piranha Exhibit
- Home, Sweet Murder Scene
- Do Your Balls Hang Low?
- Security Threat
- Going Down
- Woman Overboard
- Fast Food Leads To Quick Death
- First And Last Day Of Rest Of My Life
- 55378008 Is Funny Upside Down
- Take This Job And Shove It
- Opa, I'm On Fire!
- Hola, Successful Ex-Boyfriend
- How's The Me?
- Vroooooom!
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July
(19)
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