12:34pm- Attend Taste of Chicago. Find out that Chicago mostly tastes like sweaty overweight artery-clogged pasty people with hint of Bratwurst. Unknowingly sporting dollop of ketchup on cheek, am mistaken for food stall offering and consumed by fellow Taster.
12:56pm- Watch crowd-pleasing group called Xtreme Dive Team. They climb up 4-story tall ladder and dive into what reminds me of childhood friend’s smallish outdoor wading pool. Am somehow chosen as audience volunteer. Disregard mother’s advice to never dive into unfamiliar pool headfirst.
3:01pm- Standing on top of John Hancock building. Venture out to observation deck. Reach hand towards screen and lose balance. Plummet to death.
Other than that, pretty good day.