Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Fine, I'll Just Take MUNI

8:55am- Shot by offended Hummer driver. After giving my typical thumb's down while passing arrogant Hummer driver (aka. "giving the Thumber"), loser shoots me in head.

8:56am- Not having seeked out adequate revenge, Hummer driver returns to run over my dainty Miata. Obviously, am no match for asininely-sized car.

9:01am- While waiting at light behind cement truck, it drops load into driver's seat of my convertible. I am caught unaware like the victims of Pompeii and Herculeneum. Uncommon (yet ethnically stereotypical) cause of death triggers search into my Italian father's background. In addition to the Life, Auto, and Homeowners insurance that he typcially sells, Face and Kneecap policies are also discovered. Who knew I was a Mafia princess?

9:03am- Run off road. No big drama, just typical big car vs. small car bullshit. When will those SUV owners learn how to talk and drive at the same time? And when will I learn to take public transportation more often?

9:05am- Even though I don't own a scooter, I find myself riding one down Embarcadero on my way to work. Trying to zig-zag through traffic, which I now believe my right due to diminuative size, am struck by non-signalling, impatient BMW driver. Fly up onto hood of car with only short amount of time to flip driver off before sliding off and being crushed by his premium-grade tires.

9:09am- While driving with top down on convertible, H&M scarf which has brought me many compliments in the past, flies back getting caught in wheel-well of car. Like Isadora Duncan, I am throttled as payment for my "live life to the fullest" attitude. That'll teach me.

Other than that, pretty good Valentine's day.

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