7:21pm- Head out for a big night on the town. It’s New Year’s Eve and we’re doing it up right. Decide to wear oversized black feather headband to accentuate the 1920s vibe of the evening. On walk to restaurant, mistaken for trophy fowl. Hit in head with buckshot.
7:48pm- Partake of a glorious meal in only Istrian restaurant in Bay Area, Albona. Experience led by benevolent proprietor, Bruno, who discusses food and wine with the knowledgeable flair of Italian paisano. Completely bliss out from meal and turn into puddle in own seat. Boyfriend sops up mess that is me.
10:01pm- Step lively at Bimbo’s, enjoying an evening of swing dancing and drinks. Spot woman I think is Eva von Slut, a buxom pinup girl boyfriend and I have seen around the scene. Confident from drink, walk up and tap her on shoulder inquiring as to her identity. Here’s some unsolicited advices: asking someone if they are So-and-So von Slut when they are not gets your ass kicked.
11:16pm- Waiting in line for bathroom surrounded by mirrors and gabbling, chirping drunk girls, notice objectively that I have without question porked the fuck way up over past year. When I finally get my chance in the stall, I use it to give self never-ending swirlie. Drown in own urine and sorrows.
Other than that, pretty good day.