Have A Seat

8:24am- The bus is a cruel place. It breeds hatred and fear and foul smells. Today after watching an older Chinese man get walloped good by a crack whore for stealing her intended seat, I go off like Michael Douglas in “Falling Down.” Half-way through rampage, I am bitten on neck by the crack whore whose rotted teeth cause me to contract untreatable blood infection.

9:01am- Walking down Pacific Ave. towards work I come upon 3 PG&E guys lifting a heavy metal cover from hole in sidewalk. Curious as to what they’ve discovered, I peer in and accidentally fall down hole. Not wanting to fill out gratuitous mounds of paperwork, men place cover back over hole and walk away while whistling and looking skyward. They never speak of incident again.

10:21pm- While enjoying Colbert Report and glass of Retsina with boyfriend, hear distinct rat-a-tat-tat of machine gun fire. Too nosy for my own good, I get up to look out window only to get sprayed in face with bullets.

Other than that, pretty good day.