The Sky Is Falling

1:33am- Here’s a warning to all you ladies, especially those who are beach-bound in near future. Do NOT come home after hard night of drinking and take sharp razor to bikini area. They had to bury me with a merkin.

7:30am- Wake up with sharp pain in both kidneys. Move over Cojo, there’s a new renal failure poster child in the house.

9:01am- Hear radio commercial for Survivor: The Ride at Paramount’s Great American. They call it the world’s first “reality coaster.” I swerve off road into telephone pole. On purpose.

9:02am- Bus stop poster for Pom pomegranate juice (The Antioxidant Superpower) says “cheat death” but since I’m in the industry, I like to do opposite of what advertising tells me.

9:04am- Drive by construction site where large metal banging machines make loud, startling noises. Every. Five. Seconds. Then one of them falls on me.

9:05am- Not wanting to forget aforementioned entries, I pull out diminutive golf pencil and used parking receipt to write down list while driving. Smash.

9:10am- Wind whipping so hard while driving down Embarcadero on way into work (refuse to take bus in bad weather anymore). Palm tree falls and crushes me. What’s with the crushing today?

10:02am- I think I have underestimated the power of earthquakes. In fact, I am quite certain I have.

Other than that, pretty good day.