Sunday, April 23, 2006

Something On My Mind

11:43am- Hear guy yelling at someone right outside window. Things like "does that hurt? I bet it does." Deciding to take risk of confronting someone simply having kinky public sex, I run outside to aid victim. Guy turns out to be teenage boy accosting teenage girlfriend. I crack him in nose. He drops to the ground. Girlfriend hits me over head with bottle of Jack Daniels. "I love him," she says. Then she slits my throat with broken bottle glass. Figures.

4:45pm- During extended recording session of new (as yet unnamed) Richard Bitch album, hand pulses with pain of playing riff after riff after agonizing riff. Halfway through "Sit in the Sun," hand turns gray and flumps to floor leaving severed wrist to spurt blood at bandmates like pubescent boy’s masturbatory ejaculate.

5:55pm- All weekend long I’ve had serious twitch in right eye. I look like I’m perpetually contemplating dastardly scheme. Concerned, I check mirror and see something squirming it’s way across lower lid. After excruciating amount of pain, a tiny maggot bursts from duct. Before I can vomit riotously, right side of head pulses outward and then explodes with a furry of tiny baby fly larvae.

Other than that, pretty good day.

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