1:02am- After a delicious chicken and asparagus dinner and too much champagne at friend’s house in Oakland, fall asleep during drive home. Luckily, boyfriend is driving. Unluckily, he falls asleep too.
1:21am- Caught unaware, am overcome by noxious asparagus pee fumes. Pass out and hit head on bathroom sink.
9:55am- During scrupulous spring house clean, dislodge speck of dust that turns out to be rare viral spore. Causes indescribably unpleasant ebola-like symptoms.
1:02pm- It’s me and a bottle of Fantastik all-purpose cleaner. Trapped. In poorly ventilated room. For hours.
1:06pm- What happens when you mix Fantastik and gas stove fumes? If you guessed “big boom,” you’re invited to speak at my funeral.
Other than that, pretty good day.