11:13am- Am called in to serve on jury for man accused of murdering a 2-year-old boy and father. Somehow during proceedings evidence starts to point to me as the criminal. I am convicted and sentenced to death by firing squad.
2:13 pm- Fail to wash hands after day of jury duty. Come home and eat bowl of chili. Ingest so many germs body actually contemplates just laughing it off. Then changes mind.
2: 22pm- Curious and without much other choice, I flip channel to 700 Club. See Pat Robertson discussing TIA (transient ischemic attack) stroke prevention with some crackpot doctor hawking book about drinking collard greens and blueberry extract. Without aid of greens and berry ingredients, have immediate TIA stroke and die.
2:23pm- Right after stroke, see commercial for upcoming show called “My Skin Could Kill Me.” I glance down at hands from where I hear maniacal laughter erupting. Not sure how I die actually, but definitely know what killed me.
Other than that, pretty good day.