Queen For A Day

7:08am- Arrive in jolly old London eager to revisit in one day a city I spent 3 months exploring in college. In line for customs, am beaten by Bobby bored and angry he can't carry gun.

8:00am- Don't mind gap.

10:48am- Unable to check into hotel room, head for British Museum. Witness Viking battle reenactment. Caught unaware by misdirected mace.

10:59am- Stumble upon Rosetta Stone. Literally. Am crushed.

12:13pm- Boyfriend talks me into eating at McDonald's. Yes, this is same boyfriend who still will not purchase cell phone on principle. Shamed to death.

1:56pm- Take a ride on Eye of London. Able to see most of city from the oversized Ferris-wheel. Near top, capsule struck by distracted bird flying home with mouthful of worms. Startled, I hit emergency door and plummet down into garbage-fouled Thames. Am lost among refuse. Body never recovered.

3:44pm- Revisit bar where 10 years ago I foolishly took hit off of stranger's pipe-of-unknown-substances and fell to ground seizing. Reenact experience for boyfriend, but this time am not so good at regaining consciousness.

9:47pm- Interested in taking advantage of big city nightlife, head off for Brick Lane area. Have no idea how to get there from tube stop. Jumped by pretty much everyone who passes us for looking like such clueless tourists.

10:01pm- Finally find Brick Lane. Decide to eat at one of innumerable Bangladeshi restaurants. Food delicious, but slip into coma from eating too many poppadoms.

11:13pm- Shoes killing me.

Other than that, pretty good day.